Eating is all I do - I live to eat and I exercise to eat - but that needs to change 7/13/15-7/30/15

My name is Kirk Robison.  I am the proud husband of Alex Robison and we have a beautiful baby boy, Archer Ryan Robison.  I married Alex on 5/11/13 and Archer came into our lives 11/22/14.  I couldn’t be a happier man.  I am a mormon and a bibliophile.  I love all types of books.  I initially found my love for books as a young kid reading Gary Paulsen books such as The Haymeadow and The Francis Tucket series.  I am a obsessed with sports, primarily basketball and football.  My love of the 24 book Chip Hilton series was a natural companion to sports and reading.  As an 18 month old boy I contracted meningitis, an inflammation of the meninges, and it left me deaf in one ear (I was once completely deaf, more on that later).  My best friend, grandpa, and hero always told me that as a young boy I was pretty feisty.  I was short tempered and quick to snap, and he blamed this on the meningitis, constant needles poking me as a baby, and having to be away from my mother for long periods of time.  Those who know me now would likely say the opposite is true of me.  I have been told by many acquaintances I am well tempered and try to love everyone equally, although my big stature might scare others away.  Along the same lines, those who don’t know me and try to exchange words with me may view me as inconsiderate and rude, but I am simply unable to hear them.  

I have always enjoyed exercising, running in particular.  My best friends growing up, Travis Brinkerhoff, Houston Reynolds, and Andy McDonald played a crucial role in my love of sports.  They introduced me to baseball and football.  I had many others, John Wessell, Todd Salmon, Chase Morgan, Kawai Kauo, and many others who helped spur my love of sports into high school.  My grandpa and life long hero would always take us (my brothers and friends) to the BYU indoor track and gymnastics room to exercise and play (and likely give my mom a break - 5 boys is a feat anyone would struggle to handle).  Grandpa loved more than anything to see us kids run and play.  We would have competitions to see who could sprint the fastest and do other acrobatic activities.  He always told me in it’s my blood to be a great runner, my great uncle Clarence Robison (the BYU outdoor track is named after him) was the BYU track coach.  He was an olympian runner.  Fortunately and unfortunately for me, my grandpa also loved to take us to both the local grocery store, Day’s Market or Wenchels Donut shop, every Saturday morning to get donuts.  Thus started a life long battle of yo-yo diets, chubbiness, insane weight-loss, and lack of self-esteem.

I am a recovering addict of many things, primarily food.  I surmise most human beings are addicted to one thing or another.  We naturally want to have connections as human beings, and addictions either help or replace those connections, for better or worse (for more on this see the TED talk What you know about addiction is wrong).  If you don’t think you’re addicted to anything, do you take your phone to the bathroom?  Do you look at your phone while in bed?  Is it the first thing you look at in the morning?  If you answered in the affirmative, point proven.  If not, then good on you.  You’re a better person than I am in that regard.  I have an obese mind and love fatty foods.  Some people have candy, chocolate, ice cream, or donuts that they love - that is not the case for me.  I love everything that has sugar or carbohydrates in it.  If it has carbs (pizza, pasta, bread) I will eat it.  Not only will I eat it but I will devour it like a starved sailor who has been lost at sea for many days.  

It is in my nature that I have an obese mind (coined by my one and only Alex).  By in my nature, I don’t mean it’s impossible to change, I just want to clarify that.  As I mentioned earlier, I was active in football, basketball, and baseball from the 4^th grade and on.  I would rotate through the seasons and Travis and I would always be shooting hoops, hitting in the batting cage, or kicking the crap (more like Travis kicking the crap out of everyone despite his small frame) out of each other in backyard football.  My point is, I never had to really “watch what I ate” until I was in my high school years and wanted to pursue a girlfriend.  I had low self esteem and didn’t believe in myself.  Travis passed away when we were freshman in high school and there was literally a part of me that died.  I fell into depression and couldn’t quite understand who I was, and what I wanted.  This has stayed with me all my life and it’s something I have had to overcome.  When I reached the rightful age of 19 (back then 19 was the age LDS male missionaries were eligible to serve a 2 year mission) I entered the Missionary Training Center (MTC) to serve a 2 year mission in the Taiwan, Taipei mission.  For those who don’t understand what happens in the MTC, it’s pretty simple.  Missionaries study for 12 hours a day, eat their faces out buffet style other 3 hours of the day, exercise for 30 minutes of the day, and sleep the rest.  My particular language had me set to be there for a whopping 11 weeks.  Here I was a young 19 year old who actively played one sport or another my entire upbringing and I was now given the lifestyle of an MTC missionary.  As an addict of food and lover of books, it was the perfect match.  11 weeks, cheesecake, brownies, cookies, several bowls of cereal, ice cream twice a week, and 20 pounds later I looked like this: 

Me at 260-ish pounds after living in the MTC for 11 weeks

This right here is me in my element.  Cake and cake.

I was a complete chub.  Yes, that is a Taiwanese cake, or two, that we ate between the 3 of us if I remember correctly.  I was so fat when I got to Taiwan I could barely, I mean BARELY buckle my bike helmet.  It was humid and hot and I was sweating like I have never sweat before in my life.  Talk about cottage cheese in these pictures.  I remember one time I looked down at my thigh’s, and I literally had cottage cheese on them.  I was ,what I grew up knowing as “fat” once again.  It was embarrassing, but what did I do?  I ate away my stress by eating more junk food.  It was a brutal cycle of continually failing to control my mind.  Once I arrived in Taiwan, my incredible trainer Mike Dickson did something that kicked my mission off right.  We got out there and ran, and ran, and ran some more.  He was ruthless running me to the ground.  It proved very helpful for me throughout my mission. 

After a quick 12-16 weeks of running a 5k everyday I quickly looked like this:

All I did to look like this is run a 5k every day

So the transition is real.  I was close to 200 pounds.  All it took was consistent, persistent effort and help from my companion’s.  We ran relentlessly.  That’s all we did.  I still ate crap.  I had fried rice practically every single day, but I remember very clearly, I had several people approach me and tell me that I was losing weight and looking good.  It was a fantastic time.  Then, in classic Kirk Robison fashion I yoyo’d my way back to 230 pounds, and went back and forth for months throughout my mission.  When I got home I was at about 220 or so, close to 230 and I fluctuated thereabout.  I met a gorgeous girl and we dated for sometime.  She and I decided we would have a competition.  We didn’t have fast food or candy for 6 months.  The results were mind blowing.  I look back now and was shocked with how I looked, I didn’t even realize it.  I thought to myself I was still fat and had gotten hopeless and fell back into my cycle of bad eating habits and eating 4-5 bowls of cereal in the mornings.  That girl by the way, is my wife.  Below are some pictures of what I used to look like when I was out of the 200 pound club.

Yes, admittedly I flexed in the last picture, I wanted to see what I looked like and didn't want to take a selfie

Talk about some serious flawed self-image back then.  I legitimately thought I was a chunk.  I hung out with a bunch of skinnier guys so maybe that’s what it was.  I look at this now, and I would kill (not quite literally) to have this body again.  So, the entire purpose of my writing these “notes” if that’s what I can call them, is to motivate myself each and every day to stay on the path of being motivated to run and exercise regardless of the current mental state I am in.  To motive myself a little more, I am taking before and after pictures.  I attempted this back in February but I failed.  I am attempting it again.  As William Edward Hickson (I’m not sure who that is, just google it) said, “If at first you don’t succeed, try try try again.”  I found this quote under a Sobe cap.  Yes, a Sobe drink (fatty status again).  So I am trying again.  Below are my February pictures, along with my current pictures as of 7/13, weighing 229.something pounds.

February, 2015    

July, 2015

July 13^th, 2015

Measurements as follows:

Neck - 15 inches

Chest at nipples - 43.5 inches

Waist 37.5 inches

Stomach (belly button) - 40 inches

Hips - 41 inches

Shoulders - 49.5 inches

Gluteus maximus - 42 inches

Thigh - 26 inches

Upper arm, 12.75 inches

It is inevitable that my thigh’s will increase in size due to the half marathon I will be running, it is my hope that I can shave inches off my waist, stomach, hips, and add inches to my shoulders, arms, and chest.  Today I ate coaches oatmeal with a little stevia, goliath labs protein powder blueberries, and some agave for breakfast.  For lunch I had tuna fish in a bowl with as little mayo & mustard as possible.  I had a yogurt in between this and then I lifted Chest, Tri’s, deadlifts at the gym and ate a steak, potatoes, and asparagus for lunch.  I need to increase my veggie intake.  I’m also taking fish oils, DHEA, and glucosamine.  This evening I had some almond milk (30 calories/cup) with some goliath labs protein.  Not bad for a first day, the struggle is real and I am waking up early tomorrow morning to get out and go on a run.  I have to attack those hills and be relentless with training on them so I can climb 6.55 miles in 7 weeks.  Alex is a huge inspiration for me as I journey out to getting a 6 pack and hopefully, complete a triathlon, then a half iron man.  If I can do a marathon, I can train for a half iron man.  I’m excited and optimistic for what the future holds.  Survival is insufficient.